One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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