u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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