We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
