Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize