after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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