she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
