i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
