That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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