I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
