Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He better not be in your backpack
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
