I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
