I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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