smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
