I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
