See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
