If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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