so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
