she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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