In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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