i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
