Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
