two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
