I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
