I smell stomach acid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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