Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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