How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
