He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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