why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
