Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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