Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
