You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
