I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
