so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
tonight lets celebrate not being married
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
