she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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