i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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