my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
