two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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