I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
