I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize