Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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