How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
