i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
