We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
