once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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