How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
