i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
