I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
