Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
