tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
this is an emotional support booty call
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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