If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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