nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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