why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
