Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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