I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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