And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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