yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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