My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
