ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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