Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
