Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
