My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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