Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
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im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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