I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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