i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
