Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
