1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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