I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
whose ass print is on the piano?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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