No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
