It's Friday. Sex?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
