is your mom at the bar?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i drank out of a bidet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
