Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
