I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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